Most of us have heard of fight-or-flight. But the nervous system does not have only two settings. Research and clinical work over the past two decades has helped us see that the body actually moves between three different states, each one a way the nervous system is trying to keep us safe.
These states were described by Dr. Stephen Porges through what is known as Polyvagal Theory, and developed further into a clinical framework by Deb Dana. While parts of the underlying theory are still debated in the scientific literature, the three-state model itself has become a widely-used way to help people understand their own nervous system responses, and many women find it deeply clarifying.
Let us walk through each state gently.
This is the state your nervous system longs to be in. When you feel safe, your body is calm, your breathing is steady, your face is expressive, and you can engage with the people around you. You can think clearly, feel your emotions without being overwhelmed by them, listen well, and respond rather than react.
In this state, the body is doing its quiet, beautiful work in the background. Digestion is working. Sleep can come when needed. Healing happens. You feel like yourself.
This state is sometimes called the ventral vagal state, named after a specific pathway of the vagus nerve. We will come back to the vagus nerve in another article.
When the nervous system senses pressure, danger, or threat, it shifts into mobilisation. This is the sympathetic nervous system at work, the body's gas pedal. It floods the system with energy and stress hormones so the body can act quickly.
In this state, a woman might feel:
This state is not bad. It is protective. The body is preparing to handle something difficult. The problem is when the body gets stuck here for too long, especially when there is no real way to "fight" or "flee" the source of the stress.
This is the state that many women carry without realising it. When the nervous system senses that something is overwhelming, or that fighting and fleeing will not work, it can shift into a different protective state altogether: shutdown.
This state is sometimes called the dorsal vagal state. It is the body's oldest survival response, an ancient strategy that helps creatures play dead or disappear when nothing else will work.
In humans, shutdown can look like:
This state is often misunderstood as laziness, depression, or apathy. It is not. It is the body's most protective response when it has decided, somewhere deep below conscious awareness, that the situation is too much to handle directly.
Many women have spent years thinking they only have anxiety, when in reality they also move through shutdown without recognising it. Or they think they are "just tired" or "just unmotivated" when their body is actually in a protective freeze response.
Naming the third state can be a huge relief. It explains why a woman can feel both anxious and shut down. Why she can have a busy mind but a frozen body. Why some days she races and other days she cannot move.
Deb Dana describes these three states as a ladder. At the top is the safe and connected state. Below that is mobilisation (fight or flight). And at the bottom is shutdown. Throughout the day, we move up and down this ladder, sometimes many times.
The goal is not to live at the top of the ladder all the time. That is not possible, and it is not even healthy. The goal is flexibility, being able to recognise where you are, and to know that the way back up is possible.
In the articles that follow, we will look at the vagus nerve more closely, and at the practical tools that help the body shift between states.
If you recognise yourself in any of this, especially the shutdown state, please be gentle with yourself. What you carry has been carried for a reason. Your body is doing its best to protect you with the strategies it has. Healing is not about forcing yourself out of these states. It is about slowly, kindly, helping your body learn that there is another option.
Polyvagal Theory has become widely used in clinical practice and trauma therapy. Some specific evolutionary claims within the theory have been challenged in the peer-reviewed literature. The broader framework of how nervous system states shift, and the practical regulation tools that come from it, are well supported by clinical work and research on the vagus nerve and parasympathetic nervous system.